I have come to the conclusion that the 2008 election was a political centrifuge. All of the logic, maturity, and foresight of the Republican aspect of congress was spun down until only the batty, childlike, and blind remained as a fine paste on the bottom of the tube.
The latest piece of an ever expanding evidence chain materialized on the 15th of April 2009. Yes, teabag day. I’m not going to rehash the premise of the tea bagging, but I am going to explain the joke for everyone too old (my family) or too stupid (the tea baggers) to get why this is so funny. However, the next two paragraphs will be hidden unless and until you highlight them with your mouse to give you the option of skipping the gory details . . .
Tea bagging refers the sexual practice of one male standing over their partner (male or female) and repeatedly crouching down and standing up. The intended effect is for the male to cause his testicles to either hit the partner on the back of the head (as a male: OOOOOOOOOUCHH!!!) or to dip the testicles in the partner’s mouth similar to the dipping of a tea bag in a cup of hot water.
The practice came into common teenage and college age vernacular several years ago due to the popularity of the video game Halo. Halo is a first person shooter (FPS) war simulation with a science fiction setting. In the game, the player is able to make their character crouch down to either duck an enemy attack or take advantage of cover. It has become common practice in the game’s popular online multiplayer mode to quickly use this crouch feature over the body of a slain enemy (the bodies take a few seconds to disappear) as a victory dance. This is known as tea bagging. For the record, the few times I’ve played Halo, I greatly enjoyed shooting tea baggers in the head as they came out from their bases to perform this ridiculous dance (I also enjoyed the extra points I got for the head shots).
. . . and they’re called aristocrats! Anyway, the highlight of the tea bagging was Republican Governor Rick Perry of Texas. Oh Texas, I love when you’re in the news. The jokes just write themselves. This time, the theme is Texan secession from the union. Gov. Perry, speaking to a mass tea bagging (snicker) event is quoted by the Huston Chronicle as having said the following:
"Texas is a unique place. When we came into the union in 1845, one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that," Perry said. "My hope is that America and Washington in particular pays attention. We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, who knows what may come of that."
You have got to be kidding me! Did he actually PLAN this? If he was improving and said something stupid, then that’s one thing. But if he wrote (or had someone write) this, then he is out of his mind. I realize that he was pandering to the right wing-nut base, but I can’t believe that nobody pointed out the negative repercussions of this statement.
Looking at the quote itself, there are several points to make. First, I need to admit that I don’t know much about Texas history (by the same token, I doubt many Texans know much about Oregon history, welcome to local control of education). Perry may very well be right about the understanding in 1845, but it doesn’t matter. One of the first things one learns about the American legal system is that when new laws contradict old laws, the new laws win every time. The second thing is that the US Supreme Court is just that, the supreme authority of what is and is not legal.
With that in mind, I give you the case of Texas v White of 1869 (note: 1869 is after 1845). The main finding of the case is that Texas, along with the other confederate states, retains statehood despite their actions during the American civil war and officially never left. Further more, the court ruled that states CAN NOT SECEDE FROM THE UNION unilaterally. However, the court did leave open the possibility for dissolving the union by deciding that a state can secede if the other states agree (presumably via an act of congress, though the decision doesn’t mention it specifically).
The vote was 5-3 (there were only 8 justices until the Judiciary Act of 1869 added one). The majority consisted of Chief Justice Salmon P. Chase and Associate Justices Samuel Nelson, Nathan Clifford, David Davis, and Stephen J. Field. Associate Justices Robert C. Grier, Samuel F. Miller, and Noah H. Swayne dissented. Interestingly, the dissenting opinion was that Texas no longer qualified as a state because a state, by definition, is represented in congress. All the confederate states lost said representation during the war (true) and were therefore better classified as conquered provinces. Imagine what America would look like now if that opinion had won out.
So, what Gov. Perry is backhandedly suggesting is completely illegal and possibly treasonous. Now, I don’t blame him for not knowing about this law (although I found out about it after about 3 minutes on Google, what does that say?) because many Texans seem to have the idea in their heads that I-can-quit-any-time-I-want-to when it comes to the United States.
My sister lives in Texas and my parents were there about a year ago for my niece’s high school graduation. After standing for the national anthem, my parents began to sit down but noticed that they were the only one’s doing so. The crowd then joyfully recited the Texas State Pledge of Allegiance: "Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one state under God, one and indivisible." (Credit to the Texas State Library & Archives Commission)
Damn!
Since when is being from a certain state more important then being American? What happened to being the United States of America? Should we just call ourselves the ANA (Associated Nations of America) and have done? This is getting a little scary.
Just for the heck of it, let’s complete the Texas Trifecta of Disturbing with the news that South Oak Cliff High School in Dallas is in a nuclear fire storm of trouble because of staff members allegedly (you aren’t going to believe this) setting up bare knuckle cage fights between students.
Let that sink in for a second.
A little longer.
There!
I swear I’m not making this up. In fact, here’s the link: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090320/ap_on_re_us/school_cage_fights;_ylt=AlfSWA226WHLX3ICmGop3cFQXs8F
Allegedly, these fights took place in an “Equipment storage cage,” in the gym and were a popular spectator sport among the student body. It sounds like there were no rules, no ref, nothing. The kids just fought until the issue was settled. And no, they weren’t imitating Mixed Martial Arts or the UFC. MMA is one of the most tightly regulated sports in the world so don’t even go there.
The really sick thing is that the school is barely even denying it. Some quotes from the article linked above:
"The principal and other employees at South Oak Cliff High knew about the cage fights and allowed the practice to continue, according to a 2008 report by school system investigators."
"In the report, a teacher was quoted as saying Moten told security personnel to put two fighting students "in the cage and let `em duke it out.""
"The report said a hall monitor, Gary King, told investigators he witnessed the head of campus security and an assistant basketball coach place two students in the cage to fight."
"The newspaper reported Thursday that Angela Williamson, a parent, said she was ignored when she attempted to bring the matter to the attention of district administrators after her son, Cortland, told her that students stood around clapping and screaming while watching a fight he participated in. He and another student fought for five to ten minutes in the cage in 2004. She said the students acted as if they were in an arena."
And my personal favorite:
"She said she met with a football coach who had encouraged the fights.
"He told me this is how they settled disputes in his day," she said."
Yeah, and in your day, people of certain skin colors weren’t allowed in your school. Ya wanna go back to that too bub? It is fairly well known by those that know me that I hold the American public education system in fairly low esteem. But this is ridiculous!
And to any Texans who may be reading this, I understand that not all Texans are like this and that most of them resemble human beings in their thoughts and behavior. That said, if any Texan ever questioned why their state has a reputation for being the most likely insertion point should America ever need an enema . . . this is why.
Until nest time, I'm RyuSensei and I'm not kidding.
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